The tears are slowly sliding down my face, but I hardly notice anymore. What I do notice is the vice-like grip of grief and unbelievable sadness, crushing my insides. I can hear yet another siren going past on the highway, and instead of grimacing at the sound like I have for the last few months, it only deepens my sadness. The sirens never reached you, you were gone long before they were even called, but even so they’re still a type of trigger for me. I still picture you lying lifeless on the pavement, even though I know you were still in the car. My mind’s eye can see the moment of impact, your neck snapping and your hair flying. Your delicate neck and your beautiful hair. I miss you. So many different things about you. It seems like I either drown in the grief or I am completely numb to the world. Last friday I sobbed, and until tonight…I really don’t particularly feel as though I experienced any emotion at all.
I can’t tell anyone these thoughts, they’d scare the shit out of them… they scare the shit out of me. The problem is I can’t shut them out. These images that my brain created haunt me…I’ll manage to go a day without think of them, but when I drift off to sleep I see her die, I feel her die. I feel the same sadness I felt when I found out. And I wonder…will it ever stop?
Shadows of My Dead Reality's 